And what?

Happy thoughts! That's what! Holy fuck, I have somehow found myself in a happy place. Holler-lujah! I have so many things going for me and so much more mental space since I ended things with D. I can't believe how much time and energy she expected of me. And how willing I was to shell it out. After a great session with my therapist last night I realize I have really made the right choice. That bitch was crazy and I got out before her craziness rubbed off on me. My shrink actually thinks D might have Borderline Personality Disorder which is pretty freaky shit. And not the freaky shit I like, okaaaaaaaay?!


I finally feel like I am growing and learning to look out for my star player, myself. I spent so much time in the "bad place" - what I call self doubt, anxiety and sadness - when I was with JC. I did not want to go back to that. I could feel my relationship with D pulling me into that dark place and I had to say, "fuck it, this bitch ain't worth it." I am the bitch who is worth it! (Yes, I am in a sassy mood this Friday.) I am so glad I was able to pull out of the funk Saturday and turn my depression into dance. Although I will say my calves were sore until today. But still, I see this as a giant move forward and I am so happy to have made it! I realize that I am in an awesome place and I really don't need anyone else's shit getting in my way. I'm sure that I will come across someone who will rock my world. I'm not sure exactly when that will be, but until then I am just going to kick it with myself, my friends and family and have a good time. I figure the more I can work my own shit out, the better off I will be when that sweet lady comes along. 


Plus, I am getting really excited to begin grad school in the fall. I have ordered a bunch of books from the library so I can start reading up. I can barely explain how awesome it feels to be starting on a career path that I find so exciting, inspiring and amazing. I am looking forward to intellectual debate and rigor. Meeting people with similar ideas and visions. I have always enjoyed academia (though not really until college) and am itching to get back into it. Yeah, there are the anxieties that come along with the administrative end of things, but all that shit will work out. When I get to campus I am going to link up with the PRIDE center, because we all know how much I am obsessed with my gayness. 


In other news, I have finally decided to get another tattoo! I am super stoked about it. It is something that has been on my mind for a while and I am ready to take the plunge. It's funny, but when you talk to people who do not have tattoos they always say, "I could never decide on something that would be on my body forever." But when you talk to people with tattoos, it's a whole 'nother story. They symbolize a specific time or place in your life. My  other tattoo is just that. Silly as it might be, it symbolized the freedom from my marriage and the right to do as I pleased - kind of my first step towards becoming myself. This tattoo is meant to mark another important time in my life - the time in which I finally became who I was inside and the things I have been through this year. It will be a poppy with two leaves. The poppy symbolizes the joy and beauty that my niece has brought to my life - plus, let's face it, she is a wild flower! And the leaves are to honor my dad and my aunt who have passed away. It is important to me that I put this tattoo in a place that I can see, so that I have a daily reminder of the blessings I have in my life. And that no matter what I have the love and support of my family. It will be a variation of this picture:

Also, I came across this really awesome article today that I thought I would share. It is really cool to think about:12 Things You Might Not Have Learned in a Classroom

Really educated people ...

Establish an individual set of values but recognize those of the surrounding community and of the various cultures of the world. 

Explore their own ancestry, culture, and place.

Are comfortable being alone, yet understand dynamics between people and form healthy relationships. 

Accept mortality, knowing that every choice affects the generations to come.

Create new things and find new experiences. 

Think for themselves; observe, analyze, and discover truth without relying on the opinions of others.

Favor love, curiosity, reverence, and empathy rather than material wealth. 

Choose a vocation that contributes to the common good.

Enjoy a variety of new places and experiences but identify and cherish a place to call home. 

Express their own voice with confidence.

Add value to every encounter and every group of which they are a part. 

Always ask: “Who am I? Where are my limits? What are my possibilities?

Some great things for all of us to ponder. Anyway, I hope you all are in your own happy places. Enjoy the holiday weekend!