You say "dyke" like it's a bad thing

This weekend, Banana and I headed to Pasadena for a huge free music festival. It was pretty awesome, most of the city was shut down and there were over 10 venues throughout the downtown with free music for all tastes. We went to catch one of our favorite bands, Ra Ra Riot. Another band we had hoped to catch was the Tijuana Panthers. 

The day started out excellently. We walked down to the train station, enjoying a finely crafted bloody mary. After a train and a light rail trip we ended up in Pasadena. Our first stop was Lucky Baldwins for the IPA Fest. Nothing too festive there. Next we hit up Redwhite+bleuzz and had a great cheese & charcuterie platter. 

After that delicious nourishment, we headed over to the stage that the Tijuana Panthers were performing on. Now I knew that the members of the band were young, but I was not really prepared to be one of the oldest people there. Upon arrival I look around and notice we are in a sea of young hipsters...translation...DONGS! The show started out well. The band was actually pretty good live. But then things took a turn for the worse...


You see, the TJ Panthers are a beach music band. Their music in no way warrants moshing. Period. So Banana and I are listening to the band, having a jolly time when these dumb ass kids decide to start "moshing." I put the term "moshing" in quotes because this was the pussiest mosh pit I have ever seen in my life. They might as well have been jumping around giving each other pats on the back. But as lame as it was, it still sucked because they were bumping into people who were just trying to watch the show in peace. Now I will say that I have been to shows with real mosh pits. And I have always been afraid to step in because shit gets crazy. And I like having all of my teeth, thank you very much. Looking at this sorry excuse for a mosh pit, I knew I could easily handle it, if not dominate it. So I went for it. I jumped in and started pushing these little pansies around. And every time I got in I broke up the pit. How in the fuck was I the toughest bro out there? 

A bit later, I looked down and saw a pin on the ground. It had fallen off of someone and the pin on the back was broken. I turned to show it to Banana and this kid, probably about 16 or 17 comes up to me and tries to rip the pin out of my hand. I was like, "oh hell no!" He started whining that it was his pin and that it fell off when he was in the faux mosh pit. I was pretty taken aback that someone would try and physically come at me in a violent and forceful way. I was shocked. And then I was ANGRY!

In my opinion, There are two ways to go about things in life. The right way and the wrong way. The wrong way is attempting to use your gender to bully me and also trying to physically intimidate me and put your hands on me in a threatening way. Bro, you do not pass "Go" in life by acting a fool. The right way would have been to say, "Oh hey, you found my button! Awesome! I thought I lost it! Can I have it back?" In which case I would have automatically done so. Because I really don't give a flying fuck about you or your button. But this kid had come at me in totally the wrong way. So I felt like I should teach him a lesson. Look, I don't know you, kid. I don't know where you are from, what your story is but when you attempt to intimidate me, because you are a man, I just can't have that. We got into a pissing match at that point where he kept saying, "But look, it's my button, it fell off." And I would reply, "Yeah, but I found it on the ground." He got all pissed off and the cliche that he was, decided to call me a fucking bitch and walk away. Cool, dude, I'm a bitch. But you still don't have your pin. And now I have turned into Ronnie from the Jersey Shore. 

"I don't know you, bro!"

Banana and I left a bit later as it was hotter than hell out there and we needed to get to our next show. We celebrated at a sushi restaurant. You can check out the infamous pin in the picture. We were at the next show, Ra Ra Riot, which was MASSIVE. There had to be 1000+ people on Colorado for the show. We are standing there, enjoying ourselves when this kid comes up to me again. At this point, I am like, "What the fuck? How did this kid find us. And what is his fucking problem." So he gets in my face again about this fucking pin. And again, there is a confrontational way to speak and stand when you are talking to someone. His stature was an attempt to intimidate me. And I wasn't having it because I was actually about the same height as this kid.


There was no way I was going to relent at this point. So we went through the same song and dance as before. It is actually pretty funny when you are in an argument to just repeat the same thing over and over. It really pisses people off. At this point he realizes I am not giving in. A group had kind of formed around us by this time as he began yelling that I was a fucking bitch. And then he pulled out the big guns...he decided to yell, "You big fucking dyke." Well, thanks buddy. You want a big bitchy dyke? Okay, well, bitchy dyke here now. 


My response to him, "Yeah I am a big fucking dyke," and for that extra added emphasis, "And I can lick your girlfriend's pussy better than you any day." Yes, I know this was vulgar and crude, but this is what the boy asked for by pulling out the dyke card. In retrospect I could have just walked away. I probably shouldn't have said something that could have embarrassed his girlfriend, that makes me a bully. But I said it. And it felt good to do so. So fuck it. 

At this point the crowd around us starts busting up so the kid walks away. About 5 minutes later he sends his girlfriend over to talk to me! WTF! Yeah, obviously because I am a big dyke, sending your girlfriend over to talk to me will instantly get you what you want. Because I just can't control my big dykey self and will do anything for women. I explained to his girl that I would have easily given it back had he not gotten physical with me and attempted to rip it out of my hands. I then told her I left the pin at the last venue and that someone probably picked it up. They finally left us alone to watch the show in peace.


Wow. So this is the first time since coming out that someone has tried to tear me down by referencing my sexuality. To tell you the truth it felt a lot more liberating that it did derogatory. I think words only have power if you give them that power. I've been called a bitch many times in my life. And it does not really bother me. But this was the first time I had been called a dyke. And it didn't really phase me. Because, yup...I am a dyke. 


What I found offensive was the fact that this kid, who I had at least 10 years on felt like it was his right to act abusively toward a woman. That because he was a man, it was his right to do whatever he wanted and I could have no say in the matter. That felt violating. The fact that his tone and stance was meant to make me feel inferior and scared really pissed me off. I really do not know what it was about this day, this event, this kid and this situation - but I have never been challenged by a man in this way. Perhaps he did see me as a "dyke" and because I was a dyke, I was a second class citizen who he had the right to push around. 


As I grow into my queerness I realize that these things are bound to happen more frequently to me in my life. That people will see me as inferior and try to demean me for being outside the paradigm. Maybe it's because they are scared of "the other" - but for whatever reason I need to be on guard for these situations. Granted, I don't think I will be getting into any more fights with minors. But I feel really good that I stood up for myself and held my ground. I feel that I have a stronger confidence in myself, who I am and where I am in the world. Because I now have this confidence I will not tolerate people treating me like shit. The old Captain Awkward would have probably backed down from this confrontation. But folks, the new Captain is not taking shit from any man or woman. I'm here and I'm queer with my guns a blazin'!