Don't Say Gay

What the fuck is up with this "Don't Say Gay" bill in Tennessee? It basically says that K-8 teachers are not allowed to discuss homosexuality as part of their curriculum. Think about it...kids begin to get sex ed courses during this time. I remember having sex ed as young as 5th grade. It is a blatant assault on a student's right to have all sides of an issue. Fact: There are variances in sexuality. This is not a vanilla world we are living in, folks!

This is absolutely disgusting on so many levels. I think this comes from the fact that many people still view homosexuality as a choice. The fact that our legislators operate under this assumption is both scary and angering. This assumption leads to hate bills, such as the one in Tennessee. Secondly, there is much evidence to prove that when differences are not openly discussed in a safe forum, hate and crime increases. Simply omitting the word "gay" and not teaching variances in sexual behavior will not eradicate homosexuality. It will simply breed ignorance and intolerance.

I don't know how many times I wished that I would have had more frank discussions about sexual variances while growing up. I feel like I would have come out earlier if I had seen more gay people in the media, discussed it school during sex ed or if I would have had any gay role models in my family. 

I can actually remember the first time I met any "real lesbians." My dad had moved to Arizona for a job during my junior year of high school and I would visit him frequently. Some of his coworkers were lesbians. I remember being quite fascinated by these women. I felt instantly at home with them and interested in their lives that were so different from any experiences I had in my own life. I can also remember later, at my dad's wedding feeling a close bond with these ladies. I just felt an instant comfort with with them that I couldn't quite explain. This was around the time my sister had the "gay intervention" with me. Perhaps she too saw the bond I had with these ladies. Not too long after my dad's wedding, these ladies found jobs in other places and moved on. Who knows, maybe if I would have had more time to spend with them I could have come to my realization earlier. To think that it took me 18 years to meet and learn about lesbians is just sad. I think my dad may have had inklings about my sexuality and purposely introduced me to these women to show me the possibilities I could have in life.

Serendipitously, I am planning on seeing one of these ladies, KK very soon! I am hopefully meeting up with her and her girlfriend at SF Pride! KK recently contacted my dad's wife on FB and then my dad's wife passed on the info to me. I can't wait to catch up with KK. She was one of my dad's closest friends and being with her and talking about my dad will be like being with a piece of him again.

And let me just say for the record that my parents were not homophobic. There was never any derogatory language about gay people in my family and never any Catholic guilt about it. In fact, there was a male gay couple that lived in our neighborhood. They were just as much a part of the community as any other family. But when they moved away, gay was never really discussed again. Also, my parents came from a time and a place where homosexuality did not really exist in their reality - white middle class suburbia. I can't blame them for not discussing alternative lifestyles because it was not something they knew much about. But I do believe that the negation of the possibility of alternative lifestyles was detrimental to my development. For the record - I don't blame them, I just wish things would have been different.


I think a lot about the world my niece is growing up in. Living in Santa Monica, she will definitely see gay people out and about, public displays of affection and all. She will have media exposure to alternative lifestyles (whether good or bad, it's out there now). There will be political, social and religious conversations about the legalization of gay marriage, gay rights and gay parents as she begins to formulate her own morals and view of humanity. But most of all I hope to be there to show her that love comes in all kinds of packages. And that you have to be proud of yourself and love yourself even if some people think your "lifestyle" is wrong. And when I find a partner, I want our relationship to be another example of love for her. I want my niece will grow up with not only the word gay as a part of her vernacular but to also have a gay role model in her life. 


Then I think about how this legislation will affect kids in Tennessee. How the negation of a word can have such great repercussions. What happens to those kids who know they are different but have no idea how to understand or express how they are feeling because their freedom and right to information has been revoked. That who they are is so dirty and sinful, it can't even be said out loud. What kind of world are we living in when this type of legislation is taken seriously enough to pass?