My grandma and I have always been very close. I was the youngest of her 4 grandkids so I was always extra spoiled by her.To this day, she still calls me her baby. When I was a kid she used to pick me up from school on the weekly minimum days and we would spend the afternoon together. I also spent many weekends with her and my grandpa when I was growing up. We would go to evening mass and then she would cook or we would go out to eat, followed by watching some Lawrence Welk (grandpa's favorite) and then some Golden Girls. Throughout college she cooked me dinner nearly every week. She was there for me the night my parents split up and I was there for her when my grandpa died and when her dog died. We have always had a very special relationship that has been open and honest. So keeping details of my life from her has never been something I have done.
Although she is 87 and a very devout Catholic, my grandma is a very open and accepting person. She has always had a "live and let live" mentality. In my family we have all made mistakes. We don't hold them against each other and love each other through the good times and the bad. I knew in my heart that my grandma will always love me and that something like coming out to her would not affect our relationship. But I was still a bit apprehensive. My grandma comes from a very different time and I wasn't sure she would really understand what I was going to tell her.
So I decided to just bite the bullet and come out. We were discussing another family member's relationship when I started the conversation...
"Grandma, I am not dating men anymore."
"I understand. When your grandfather died I knew I was done with men too. Although some asked me out and bought me presents I didn't want to be involved with them. But don't worry, you are young."
"No, grandma, I am not dating men anymore, ever...I'm dating women."
"Oh, I like to go out with my friends too. That's nice.
"No, I am dating women...I'm gay."
"...well that is your own business. Sometimes I think it would be nice to live with another woman and go places together...but not date them. But as long as you are happy then I am happy for you. You will always be my baby."
Just what I had hoped for, and pretty much expected. I was very happy that she took the news so well. Now the last person I have to come out to is my Uncle. I'm sure he will be as accepting as the rest of my family but I am still a bit apprehensive about sharing with him but I plan on coming out to him soon. I would hate for him to find out from someone else and think that I didn't trust him. He is an important person in my life. When I got married he was the one who walked me down the isle because my dad had passed away a year earlier. We have been playing softball on the weekends together for 8 seasons. I'm not sure what is holding me back from sharing with him but I really feel the need to share this with him.
I have also realized that coming out is a continual process. It's not just dropping the bomb and running. It's about learning how to communicate with my family about my life and my relationships. It was really hard to start talking to my mom about my relationship with JC. I wasn't sure if it made her feel uncomfortable. But now I realize that me communicating with her about this part of my life has deepened our relationship and made us more honest. She came to visit me at work today and we went out to lunch. During lunch I discussed the recent ups and downs with JC. She had some really great insights and I am so glad I have her as a sounding board. This journey continues to be something that surprises me and makes me more confident that this is truly who I am. I am thankful for all of my friends and family who have been so warm and accepting and who are helping me along the way.
Life is beautiful.
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